Look! It's a barking dog!

If you are walking by a yard with a dog in it, do you expect it to “meow” at you? Perhaps you expect it to hop onto a lily pad or fly into its nest. Chances are, if you see a dog in a yard you would not be shocked and surprised when it barks and scratches behind its ear. It is a dog and that’s what dogs do. Based on this very simple picture I have developed a saying:

“Dogs bark and cats meow.”

Let me make sense of this for you if, by chance, you’re still reading. I have found myself and others doing the absurd thing I mention in the first sentence as it applies to the people around them and their actions/decisions. As an extreme example, let’s say I go by the shelter and pick up some guy that smells of booze and hire him. Should I be shocked, angry or surprised when this fellow shows up late, does lousy work or lies to me? Should I allow that to anger me? Or do I say to myself “Well, Ryan, dogs bark and cats meow.” Meaning, he is what he is and I knew what to expect.

In our lives there are many people around us. People tend to act like people. They make mistakes; sometimes they will stretch the truth, break confidences, over-step boundaries, lie, betray etc. etc. We, as mature adults, have to make a decision once and for all that people’s actions cannot shock or surprise us, causing resentment, bitterness and anger. I.e. “That stupid dog was supposed to meow at me, roll in the mud and fly away...but it just barked and pee’d on a tree!” Or, “My friend/mother/father/brother/sister was supposed to be perfect and never act offensive but then he/she did and now I’m pissed.” This all comes down to two things:

1. We CHOOSE to be offended. We are not victims of anything or anyone. If someone has the power to offend us, it’s because we allowed them that place in our lives. Therefore we have to ask ourselves this question: “Why do I feel this way. Is it because of what they did or because of my wrong expectations?”
2. People all make mistakes. Every last single one. If you make the decision to lift some father figure, pastor or mentor onto some golden throne in your mind, you have set yourself up for offense. And when, not if, they make a mistake you have already chosen to take offense.

As an adult, we all have the choice to be offended or not. I know it sounds impossible but hear me out. Answer me this: What good to you or anyone on this planet does you carrying an offense do? All it does is raise the acid level in your stomach and make you lose sleep. It is a victim mentality that holds offense. “They made me feel this way.” “I was powerless to avoid my reaction to that situation.” These are false statements.

However, lots of people do carry offenses. Would you like to know why? I’ll tell you. Being offended gives you a sense of control and power. It’s the “taking my ball (affection/friendship) and going home” scenario that so many of us fall into. The root is in insecurity and basic immaturity. “I’m offended” is actually, “I’ve decided that you’ll be sorry for doing what you did because you value our relationship and I’m going to remove it until you buffer my ego with some kind of recompense!”

The other side of this is being smart about what people you surround yourself with. If “dogs bark and cats meow”, then why are you sharing a secret with someone who has a long history of not keeping them? If you know that someone it injured in life, why are you surprised and angry when they lash-out at you? If you see your friend acting selfishly in his/her other relationships, why be surprised and angry when it happens to you. You see? These are all OUR choices, not a victim’s response to uncontrollable circumstances.

Are you holding onto old offense? If so, why? Do you have the strength to grow up and move on? Let’s stop expecting perfection from those around us. People are not God. People are not perfect. I have said many times that we have to ration mercy for future behaviors. Look at it like preparing a meal and freezing it. Prepare mercy and set it aside for those around you for WHEN they hurt you.

- From Ryan

p.s. Before you say "That's all being judgmental and putting people in a box", understand that there is good judgment and bad judgment. One is discernment and the other condemnation. Discernment in on-going and allows others to change in our perception of them. Condemnation is final and is damaging to relationships. We find this in the Bible. "A righteous man judges all things" uses the Greek word for judge that means discern with wisdom. "Judge not lest you be judged" uses the Greek word that means to condemn.

I leave you with music that kills all bad moods.