As I discussed in my previous post about sexual escalation and the dangers of pornography, we can all agree that the consumption of this vile crap is an unhealthy practice. The damage it causes can affect singles, husbands and fathers alike. I'm not going to spend time on this post defending my beliefs about the dangers of pornography. If you have questions about that, see the second post of this blog, especially the comments that followed, and email me with questions. I'm not kidding either. Let's talk.
That aside, I want to address the actual steps we need to take as men who love their current or future wife/children. Let's be clear. If you are sitting there as a single man, you still hold the responsibility of a husband and father. You need to love your family NOW, not later. Your actions and decisions now will directly affect them later. Don't be fooled by an "out of sight, out of mind" mindset. If you sow self-indulgent filth, you'll reap regret and an absence of respect.
1. Where's your computer? Get that thing out in the open. Turn the monitor where it faces the door.
2. When are you on the computer? Here's a tip: Go to sleep. If you are alone at 1 am surfing the net then you ARE looking for trouble. Don't lie to yourself. You're looking for trouble.
3. Why are you on the computer? Got books? Got friends? There's nothing wrong with a video game here and there or some time watching funny or entertaining videos, but keep an eye out for balance.
4. GET COVENANT EYES. Go right here, add me, ryanpeck@hotmail.com as your accountability partner if you have to. Better yet, get a close friend who knows you. My accountability partner is my wife.
Here's what I like about Covenant Eyes:
- You can't just turn it off. If you want it to stop, you have to get an uninstall code and it generates an email to your partner that you've uninstalled it.
- It costs $7 per month. This is not a bad thing. When you pay for something, you take it more seriously.
- For me, it allows me to relax on the computer. As someone who struggled with pornography in the past, sitting down at an unmonitored computer translates into stress. There's always this old "me" trying to take over and dishonor my wife and family, you know?
- The reports it creates are very detailed and easy to read.
- I used to use X3 Church software, but you can just turn it off. I'd keep getting reports from one of my guys that showed it getting turned off at midnight/1 am nightly. I mean...give me a break, right? What's the point?
Man up! Job 31:1 says "I have made a covenant with my eyes. Why would I look upon a young lady"?
Have you made a covenant with your eyes? We're all human, but let's take the practical steps so we can honor our future or current family. Also, there's this little issue of SIN and the FEAR of God. Eternal life or death? Does any of that ring a bell? Get it right in your life, gents. Cut the crap.
Here's some Mute Math for you to enjoy.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
People On A Screen
It's been a while since I've stepped on some toes, so here goes nothing.
On one of my evening jogs I started counting the number of houses I passed that had these huge screens projecting images and ideas into the living rooms of my neighbors. The number, although I can't remember it now, was in the 30's. I began to imagine myself as a time-traveling citizen from the 1700 or 1800s(Come on, who doesn't imagine themselves as a time-traveling citizen from the 17-1800s from time to time?). What would someone from that era think of how we get our information or how we spend our time these days? Would there be any doubt in their minds that we are addicted to visual stimulants?
I can just imagine his time-travelers report on our day and age: "The people from the future sit and watch color screens where other, more interesting and clever people live out more fun and interesting lives."
I started looking around at just how many color screens are involved in our day to day lives. TV, computers, iphones, ipods, ipads, ithis and ithat. Now let's be clear. I'm not saying it's all bad. You can't argue with the immense productivity that comes from these devices in the world of business or personal communication. The speed with which communication happens is staggering these days, and it's just getting faster. But let's look at the other side of this.
Take me, Ryan Peck, as an example. I used to spend hours on Television in the evenings. If I was not watching television, then you could find me destroying hoards of aliens in Halo or swinging around virtual light-sabers on the Xbox. What I found was this simple fact: "This is easier then thinking". As drool met couch cushion, budgets were neglected and countless books went unread. Again, let's avoid the extreme and unbalanced view. Could I have watched a little TV and just played a little bit of Xbox here and there and still been diligent? Sure, but it was not happening. That's when I tossed out the TV. Few decisions have been smarter for me and my family as we've enjoyed the past 2 years without it's influence.
Rachel and I were just on a weekend break where our room had a TV. We were amazed at the sheer quantity of utter crap on that thing. And please, don't mistake what I'm saying for "Holier then thou" stuff, 'cause that's not where I'm at. After a two year break, TV was a headache-inducing noise box that caused more irritation then entertainment.
I grew up without TV, mainly due to parents that believed it was a brain-killing idiot box. This apple didn't fall far from that tree. Our home had books being read and Scrabble being played. My mother is a boggle shark. Don't ever agree to a game of boggle with her if you value your self-confidence. My father had a dream once when we actually had a TV in the house. In the dream, the house was surrounded by sewage but it could not get into the house. Just then, the front of the TV dropped down, like a door, and sewage started flooding the house. He awoke as we were almost out of breathable air. Needless to say, the TV left the house that morning.
Rachel and I enjoy movies on NetFlix from time to time and I still enjoy some video games on the home computer. What we've had to do is make our "color screen" entertainment the exception instead of the rule. We don't always keep it balanced because, like I said before, it's easier then thinking or engaging life. For me, it's all about what I want to produce in my family. I want teenagers who can think well and I want an open and inviting home. I can't see excessive TV or computer use being a part of that. I want books being read and Scrabble being played. I want good conversations that take hours to work out. I don't give a flying flip about what happens on some made-up show about a made-up group of people who have made-up and silly drama. No, thank you!
I say this to my Christian friends out there:
If your life is not your own, and you are to be poured out for others, how dominant is your "color screen" entertainment in your life and how does it affect your Light that should shine in the darkness?
If you watch TV or spend time on the computer, make "color screen entertainment" a small part of the large and varied puzzle that is your life and how your time is spent.
I leave you with a promise for more posts and a new project from Ben Harper, Dhani Harrison (George's son) and Joseph Arthur called Fistful of Mercy. Enjoy!
On one of my evening jogs I started counting the number of houses I passed that had these huge screens projecting images and ideas into the living rooms of my neighbors. The number, although I can't remember it now, was in the 30's. I began to imagine myself as a time-traveling citizen from the 1700 or 1800s(Come on, who doesn't imagine themselves as a time-traveling citizen from the 17-1800s from time to time?). What would someone from that era think of how we get our information or how we spend our time these days? Would there be any doubt in their minds that we are addicted to visual stimulants?
I can just imagine his time-travelers report on our day and age: "The people from the future sit and watch color screens where other, more interesting and clever people live out more fun and interesting lives."
I started looking around at just how many color screens are involved in our day to day lives. TV, computers, iphones, ipods, ipads, ithis and ithat. Now let's be clear. I'm not saying it's all bad. You can't argue with the immense productivity that comes from these devices in the world of business or personal communication. The speed with which communication happens is staggering these days, and it's just getting faster. But let's look at the other side of this.
Take me, Ryan Peck, as an example. I used to spend hours on Television in the evenings. If I was not watching television, then you could find me destroying hoards of aliens in Halo or swinging around virtual light-sabers on the Xbox. What I found was this simple fact: "This is easier then thinking". As drool met couch cushion, budgets were neglected and countless books went unread. Again, let's avoid the extreme and unbalanced view. Could I have watched a little TV and just played a little bit of Xbox here and there and still been diligent? Sure, but it was not happening. That's when I tossed out the TV. Few decisions have been smarter for me and my family as we've enjoyed the past 2 years without it's influence.
Rachel and I were just on a weekend break where our room had a TV. We were amazed at the sheer quantity of utter crap on that thing. And please, don't mistake what I'm saying for "Holier then thou" stuff, 'cause that's not where I'm at. After a two year break, TV was a headache-inducing noise box that caused more irritation then entertainment.
I grew up without TV, mainly due to parents that believed it was a brain-killing idiot box. This apple didn't fall far from that tree. Our home had books being read and Scrabble being played. My mother is a boggle shark. Don't ever agree to a game of boggle with her if you value your self-confidence. My father had a dream once when we actually had a TV in the house. In the dream, the house was surrounded by sewage but it could not get into the house. Just then, the front of the TV dropped down, like a door, and sewage started flooding the house. He awoke as we were almost out of breathable air. Needless to say, the TV left the house that morning.
Rachel and I enjoy movies on NetFlix from time to time and I still enjoy some video games on the home computer. What we've had to do is make our "color screen" entertainment the exception instead of the rule. We don't always keep it balanced because, like I said before, it's easier then thinking or engaging life. For me, it's all about what I want to produce in my family. I want teenagers who can think well and I want an open and inviting home. I can't see excessive TV or computer use being a part of that. I want books being read and Scrabble being played. I want good conversations that take hours to work out. I don't give a flying flip about what happens on some made-up show about a made-up group of people who have made-up and silly drama. No, thank you!
I say this to my Christian friends out there:
If your life is not your own, and you are to be poured out for others, how dominant is your "color screen" entertainment in your life and how does it affect your Light that should shine in the darkness?
If you watch TV or spend time on the computer, make "color screen entertainment" a small part of the large and varied puzzle that is your life and how your time is spent.
I leave you with a promise for more posts and a new project from Ben Harper, Dhani Harrison (George's son) and Joseph Arthur called Fistful of Mercy. Enjoy!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Look! It's a barking dog!
If you are walking by a yard with a dog in it, do you expect it to “meow” at you? Perhaps you expect it to hop onto a lily pad or fly into its nest. Chances are, if you see a dog in a yard you would not be shocked and surprised when it barks and scratches behind its ear. It is a dog and that’s what dogs do. Based on this very simple picture I have developed a saying:
“Dogs bark and cats meow.”
Let me make sense of this for you if, by chance, you’re still reading. I have found myself and others doing the absurd thing I mention in the first sentence as it applies to the people around them and their actions/decisions. As an extreme example, let’s say I go by the shelter and pick up some guy that smells of booze and hire him. Should I be shocked, angry or surprised when this fellow shows up late, does lousy work or lies to me? Should I allow that to anger me? Or do I say to myself “Well, Ryan, dogs bark and cats meow.” Meaning, he is what he is and I knew what to expect.
In our lives there are many people around us. People tend to act like people. They make mistakes; sometimes they will stretch the truth, break confidences, over-step boundaries, lie, betray etc. etc. We, as mature adults, have to make a decision once and for all that people’s actions cannot shock or surprise us, causing resentment, bitterness and anger. I.e. “That stupid dog was supposed to meow at me, roll in the mud and fly away...but it just barked and pee’d on a tree!” Or, “My friend/mother/father/brother/sister was supposed to be perfect and never act offensive but then he/she did and now I’m pissed.” This all comes down to two things:
1. We CHOOSE to be offended. We are not victims of anything or anyone. If someone has the power to offend us, it’s because we allowed them that place in our lives. Therefore we have to ask ourselves this question: “Why do I feel this way. Is it because of what they did or because of my wrong expectations?”
2. People all make mistakes. Every last single one. If you make the decision to lift some father figure, pastor or mentor onto some golden throne in your mind, you have set yourself up for offense. And when, not if, they make a mistake you have already chosen to take offense.
As an adult, we all have the choice to be offended or not. I know it sounds impossible but hear me out. Answer me this: What good to you or anyone on this planet does you carrying an offense do? All it does is raise the acid level in your stomach and make you lose sleep. It is a victim mentality that holds offense. “They made me feel this way.” “I was powerless to avoid my reaction to that situation.” These are false statements.
However, lots of people do carry offenses. Would you like to know why? I’ll tell you. Being offended gives you a sense of control and power. It’s the “taking my ball (affection/friendship) and going home” scenario that so many of us fall into. The root is in insecurity and basic immaturity. “I’m offended” is actually, “I’ve decided that you’ll be sorry for doing what you did because you value our relationship and I’m going to remove it until you buffer my ego with some kind of recompense!”
The other side of this is being smart about what people you surround yourself with. If “dogs bark and cats meow”, then why are you sharing a secret with someone who has a long history of not keeping them? If you know that someone it injured in life, why are you surprised and angry when they lash-out at you? If you see your friend acting selfishly in his/her other relationships, why be surprised and angry when it happens to you. You see? These are all OUR choices, not a victim’s response to uncontrollable circumstances.
Are you holding onto old offense? If so, why? Do you have the strength to grow up and move on? Let’s stop expecting perfection from those around us. People are not God. People are not perfect. I have said many times that we have to ration mercy for future behaviors. Look at it like preparing a meal and freezing it. Prepare mercy and set it aside for those around you for WHEN they hurt you.
- From Ryan
p.s. Before you say "That's all being judgmental and putting people in a box", understand that there is good judgment and bad judgment. One is discernment and the other condemnation. Discernment in on-going and allows others to change in our perception of them. Condemnation is final and is damaging to relationships. We find this in the Bible. "A righteous man judges all things" uses the Greek word for judge that means discern with wisdom. "Judge not lest you be judged" uses the Greek word that means to condemn.
I leave you with music that kills all bad moods.
“Dogs bark and cats meow.”
Let me make sense of this for you if, by chance, you’re still reading. I have found myself and others doing the absurd thing I mention in the first sentence as it applies to the people around them and their actions/decisions. As an extreme example, let’s say I go by the shelter and pick up some guy that smells of booze and hire him. Should I be shocked, angry or surprised when this fellow shows up late, does lousy work or lies to me? Should I allow that to anger me? Or do I say to myself “Well, Ryan, dogs bark and cats meow.” Meaning, he is what he is and I knew what to expect.
In our lives there are many people around us. People tend to act like people. They make mistakes; sometimes they will stretch the truth, break confidences, over-step boundaries, lie, betray etc. etc. We, as mature adults, have to make a decision once and for all that people’s actions cannot shock or surprise us, causing resentment, bitterness and anger. I.e. “That stupid dog was supposed to meow at me, roll in the mud and fly away...but it just barked and pee’d on a tree!” Or, “My friend/mother/father/brother/sister was supposed to be perfect and never act offensive but then he/she did and now I’m pissed.” This all comes down to two things:
1. We CHOOSE to be offended. We are not victims of anything or anyone. If someone has the power to offend us, it’s because we allowed them that place in our lives. Therefore we have to ask ourselves this question: “Why do I feel this way. Is it because of what they did or because of my wrong expectations?”
2. People all make mistakes. Every last single one. If you make the decision to lift some father figure, pastor or mentor onto some golden throne in your mind, you have set yourself up for offense. And when, not if, they make a mistake you have already chosen to take offense.
As an adult, we all have the choice to be offended or not. I know it sounds impossible but hear me out. Answer me this: What good to you or anyone on this planet does you carrying an offense do? All it does is raise the acid level in your stomach and make you lose sleep. It is a victim mentality that holds offense. “They made me feel this way.” “I was powerless to avoid my reaction to that situation.” These are false statements.
However, lots of people do carry offenses. Would you like to know why? I’ll tell you. Being offended gives you a sense of control and power. It’s the “taking my ball (affection/friendship) and going home” scenario that so many of us fall into. The root is in insecurity and basic immaturity. “I’m offended” is actually, “I’ve decided that you’ll be sorry for doing what you did because you value our relationship and I’m going to remove it until you buffer my ego with some kind of recompense!”
The other side of this is being smart about what people you surround yourself with. If “dogs bark and cats meow”, then why are you sharing a secret with someone who has a long history of not keeping them? If you know that someone it injured in life, why are you surprised and angry when they lash-out at you? If you see your friend acting selfishly in his/her other relationships, why be surprised and angry when it happens to you. You see? These are all OUR choices, not a victim’s response to uncontrollable circumstances.
Are you holding onto old offense? If so, why? Do you have the strength to grow up and move on? Let’s stop expecting perfection from those around us. People are not God. People are not perfect. I have said many times that we have to ration mercy for future behaviors. Look at it like preparing a meal and freezing it. Prepare mercy and set it aside for those around you for WHEN they hurt you.
- From Ryan
p.s. Before you say "That's all being judgmental and putting people in a box", understand that there is good judgment and bad judgment. One is discernment and the other condemnation. Discernment in on-going and allows others to change in our perception of them. Condemnation is final and is damaging to relationships. We find this in the Bible. "A righteous man judges all things" uses the Greek word for judge that means discern with wisdom. "Judge not lest you be judged" uses the Greek word that means to condemn.
I leave you with music that kills all bad moods.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Little Monsters
I see the mind as a small room. In that room is you. By “you” I mean who you are and who you are meant to be. The real part of you that is eternal, makes decisions, reasons, loves, doubts and creates. With you in that room are what I have come to call your “little monsters”. These are all your appetites. These include appetites for sex, wealth, influence, entertainment, peer approval, affirmation and the most commonly recognized of them all, food. None of these are “bad” things as long as they are “on their leash” and not overfed monsters that end up putting you on a leash.
I think we can all recognize when a persons “self” has been over-ridden with one monster or another. Men and women can become slaves to their appetites for sex, food, money, entertainment, alcohol, cigarettes, affirmation, power and many other things in this world we live in. Many of us end up serving several of these at one time.
So how does this happen? How does our appetite for sex/food/money/etc get so strong that it puts “who we are” on the leash and takes control. This happens by habitual over-feeding of these things. The main cause of this, from what I have seen, is the belief that these things give us value as a person. Also, these monsters have the ability to comfort us or lull us into a stupor as opposed to actively engaging life. We can find a root of fear under all that. So we feed ourselves food, sexual contact, TV, movies, video games, yes-men/safe friendships, needless expenses, new toys and much more in order to make ourselves “happy”.
What really ends up happening is that “who we are” gets trampled under our fears and appetites. Are the very rich happy? Are the obese happy? Are the very sexually active happy? I think it’s safe to say, “not necessarily”. I would not say “no” because there are always varying circumstances to everything.
Friends, please do not let these appetites get so strong that they define you and replace who you are and are meant to be. God made you who you are because He loves you. Turn off the TV and the Internet once in a while. Go on a sex or food fast now and then. Show those little monsters who is “boss” in that “room” you share with them and be who you are. Go on some long walks with your spouse. Read some books. Have some difficult and engaging conversations with friends who do not share your views! Think, grow, love, risk, fail, recover, forgive, create and have fun. Don’t miss out on life due to over-fed appetites.
Much Love,
Ryan
Please post your comments below! Keep it clean and friendly.
I leave you with Little Wing. Why? Because it is awesome.
I think we can all recognize when a persons “self” has been over-ridden with one monster or another. Men and women can become slaves to their appetites for sex, food, money, entertainment, alcohol, cigarettes, affirmation, power and many other things in this world we live in. Many of us end up serving several of these at one time.
So how does this happen? How does our appetite for sex/food/money/etc get so strong that it puts “who we are” on the leash and takes control. This happens by habitual over-feeding of these things. The main cause of this, from what I have seen, is the belief that these things give us value as a person. Also, these monsters have the ability to comfort us or lull us into a stupor as opposed to actively engaging life. We can find a root of fear under all that. So we feed ourselves food, sexual contact, TV, movies, video games, yes-men/safe friendships, needless expenses, new toys and much more in order to make ourselves “happy”.
What really ends up happening is that “who we are” gets trampled under our fears and appetites. Are the very rich happy? Are the obese happy? Are the very sexually active happy? I think it’s safe to say, “not necessarily”. I would not say “no” because there are always varying circumstances to everything.
Friends, please do not let these appetites get so strong that they define you and replace who you are and are meant to be. God made you who you are because He loves you. Turn off the TV and the Internet once in a while. Go on a sex or food fast now and then. Show those little monsters who is “boss” in that “room” you share with them and be who you are. Go on some long walks with your spouse. Read some books. Have some difficult and engaging conversations with friends who do not share your views! Think, grow, love, risk, fail, recover, forgive, create and have fun. Don’t miss out on life due to over-fed appetites.
Much Love,
Ryan
Please post your comments below! Keep it clean and friendly.
I leave you with Little Wing. Why? Because it is awesome.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sexual Escalation (A "PG-13" discussion)
Long post, try to make it through to the end.
From time to time I will be diving into some of the nitty-gritty aspects of life. Please understand that I intend to speak frankly about sexuality in this post, specifically as it pertains to husbands and fatherhood. My posts won’t all be like this.
I hate pornography. When I say that I hate it understand that the very first kid I punched in the face was shoving a nudy picture into my face when I was 12. As dramatic as this sounds, I actually walked off his property and never went back. I was raised with a father and mother who taught me that the worth of a person did not depend on their ability to attract a mate. Now I know some of the folks that read this are of a more progressive mindset and may think, “Come on, Ryan. What's wrong with a little breasts or crotch shots here and there? We’re all human”. Precisely. Human. Not apes or dogs. Animals rely on instincts to make their way through life. I like to think we’re better then that. One of our defining attributes as humans is our ability to tell our instincts “No”. This is actually not my main point. Let’s get to that now.
Pornography teaches young men and women that their sexual pleasure is derived from ever-escalating sources of stimulus. Anyone who has ever dealt with this kind of thing will understand what I mean. (On that note, let me make one thing clear. As much as I hate porn, I have struggled with it in the past. It’s a nasty trap that and once you feed that appetite, getting it uprooted from your mind and heart is no small task. A word of advice: stay far away.) As a young man first being exposed to pornography, a simple picture of nudity is enough exciting stimulus for that sexual appetite. Soon, however, it ceases to be enough and you look for a bit more, perhaps more skin exposure or the act of sex. From there you may require a video of sex to satisfy this growing beast that is your sexual appetite. It does not take a genius to see where this goes.
Pedophiles do not happen overnight. It’s a long, sick and sad process of escalation.
So why is it a problem to teach your appetite for sex that you need more exposure, raunchier content, crazier acts of sex in order to be satisfied? There is a whole book that could be written about that subject. Today, lets discuss how being faithful to your wife/husband becomes a real issue. Not just faithful in action, but in your thoughts. I hold true to the belief that we’re all responsible for our thoughts, not just our actions. Not only because God sees our thoughts, but because soon those thoughts can lead to actions that lead to other more destructive actions. Do people trip and fall into their secretary’s bed? No. A man who sleeps with another woman has built a foundation of this kind or escalating sexuality. Usually it involves several steps. He may go from looking at porn here and there to a full-on addiction. From there he will, inevitably, bring those images into his marriage bed via his imagination. He’ll start using those thoughts to get turned on. From there he may start fantasizing about women in his life, those close to him and who may have even flirted a bit. Once those fantasies have taken root and he’s no longer engaged with his wife for anything other then simple friction, all it takes is the wrong time and place and you have some freshly cooked and carefully prepared adultery. Guys and gals, as horrible as it sounds, it happens all the time. Most people walk down this ugly path while not even knowing what sort of mess they are creating. Those that willingly fantasize and are "cool" with watching pornography, what are you teaching your spouse? "You are not enough. I want something else".
It is insane that the world around us actually promotes pornography or writes it off as harmless.
My goal is for Rachel and I to be an old couple that is still in love. I want to be a trustworthy and “clean-feeling” man. (Women who read this will know just what I mean by “clean-feeling”. A man who is eaten up with an advanced and monstrous sexual appetite can be spotted a mile away.) We do not need an escalating sexuality in order to be 100% fulfilled. We have been married for 8 years and Rachel and I enjoy each other a ton, all the time having a clean conscience.
Men and women! Safeguard your heart! Do not allow yourself to become a walking appetite. A selfish attitude towards sexual fulfillment will leave you empty and alone. Keep your bedroom clear of any of the crap out there and if you’re not married, honor your future wife/husband now by keeping your eyes and heart clear.
Love you,
Ryan
***
I ask that those of you who want to post to please read ALL the original post and ALL the comments. Chances are the subject has been covered. I have seen these kinds of discussions go on and on and on and on because people keep repeating what’s been said. If you’ve made a point that has been argued with, please don’t simply remake that point using a slightly different example or twist. If you’ve said you’re bit, let it be.
Fun stuff guys, keep it coming!
From time to time I will be diving into some of the nitty-gritty aspects of life. Please understand that I intend to speak frankly about sexuality in this post, specifically as it pertains to husbands and fatherhood. My posts won’t all be like this.
I hate pornography. When I say that I hate it understand that the very first kid I punched in the face was shoving a nudy picture into my face when I was 12. As dramatic as this sounds, I actually walked off his property and never went back. I was raised with a father and mother who taught me that the worth of a person did not depend on their ability to attract a mate. Now I know some of the folks that read this are of a more progressive mindset and may think, “Come on, Ryan. What's wrong with a little breasts or crotch shots here and there? We’re all human”. Precisely. Human. Not apes or dogs. Animals rely on instincts to make their way through life. I like to think we’re better then that. One of our defining attributes as humans is our ability to tell our instincts “No”. This is actually not my main point. Let’s get to that now.
Pornography teaches young men and women that their sexual pleasure is derived from ever-escalating sources of stimulus. Anyone who has ever dealt with this kind of thing will understand what I mean. (On that note, let me make one thing clear. As much as I hate porn, I have struggled with it in the past. It’s a nasty trap that and once you feed that appetite, getting it uprooted from your mind and heart is no small task. A word of advice: stay far away.) As a young man first being exposed to pornography, a simple picture of nudity is enough exciting stimulus for that sexual appetite. Soon, however, it ceases to be enough and you look for a bit more, perhaps more skin exposure or the act of sex. From there you may require a video of sex to satisfy this growing beast that is your sexual appetite. It does not take a genius to see where this goes.
Pedophiles do not happen overnight. It’s a long, sick and sad process of escalation.
So why is it a problem to teach your appetite for sex that you need more exposure, raunchier content, crazier acts of sex in order to be satisfied? There is a whole book that could be written about that subject. Today, lets discuss how being faithful to your wife/husband becomes a real issue. Not just faithful in action, but in your thoughts. I hold true to the belief that we’re all responsible for our thoughts, not just our actions. Not only because God sees our thoughts, but because soon those thoughts can lead to actions that lead to other more destructive actions. Do people trip and fall into their secretary’s bed? No. A man who sleeps with another woman has built a foundation of this kind or escalating sexuality. Usually it involves several steps. He may go from looking at porn here and there to a full-on addiction. From there he will, inevitably, bring those images into his marriage bed via his imagination. He’ll start using those thoughts to get turned on. From there he may start fantasizing about women in his life, those close to him and who may have even flirted a bit. Once those fantasies have taken root and he’s no longer engaged with his wife for anything other then simple friction, all it takes is the wrong time and place and you have some freshly cooked and carefully prepared adultery. Guys and gals, as horrible as it sounds, it happens all the time. Most people walk down this ugly path while not even knowing what sort of mess they are creating. Those that willingly fantasize and are "cool" with watching pornography, what are you teaching your spouse? "You are not enough. I want something else".
It is insane that the world around us actually promotes pornography or writes it off as harmless.
My goal is for Rachel and I to be an old couple that is still in love. I want to be a trustworthy and “clean-feeling” man. (Women who read this will know just what I mean by “clean-feeling”. A man who is eaten up with an advanced and monstrous sexual appetite can be spotted a mile away.) We do not need an escalating sexuality in order to be 100% fulfilled. We have been married for 8 years and Rachel and I enjoy each other a ton, all the time having a clean conscience.
Men and women! Safeguard your heart! Do not allow yourself to become a walking appetite. A selfish attitude towards sexual fulfillment will leave you empty and alone. Keep your bedroom clear of any of the crap out there and if you’re not married, honor your future wife/husband now by keeping your eyes and heart clear.
Love you,
Ryan
***
I ask that those of you who want to post to please read ALL the original post and ALL the comments. Chances are the subject has been covered. I have seen these kinds of discussions go on and on and on and on because people keep repeating what’s been said. If you’ve made a point that has been argued with, please don’t simply remake that point using a slightly different example or twist. If you’ve said you’re bit, let it be.
Fun stuff guys, keep it coming!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
From Ryan
I have considered doing something like this for quite some time. I want a medium where I can offer tid-bits without going into a giant diatribe. I have been married 8 years and have 3 boys. Rachel and I have seen some ups and downs over the past few years. Some of our adventures together include having a boy with classic autism and having church in our home.
During the week I pray for and think about many of you that may end up reading this. I'll be posting here when I think of stuff to put here. Will it all be amazing revelations and golden nuggets of wisdom? Probably not.
I will commit to you all not to post when it's very late or if I'm hungry and grumpy.
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